I have begun a new chapter in my life. Within this past summer, so much from my life has drastically changed and I think it’s time I begin a little transformation myself. I recently have been practicing the art of letting go, an art that I have never been quite too good at. What better time to begin this journey then right after the end of a relationship and the moving out of my current home. I know that within the next year I’ll be doing quite a bit of moving around, so maybe I make it just a little easier on myself and “down size” my life a bit.
Not only did I throw out 3 ginormous black trash bags full of unnecessary crap that I’ve been holding onto for no good reason, but I’m going through and even clearing out the photo album on my phone. Deleting apps. I’ve thrown out old furniture, drawing books and journals I haven’t looked at in years. Torn bags and broken jewelry boxes, every damn thing I held onto right into the trash. And you know what? I feel good. I feel relief. All of these things I’d been holding onto because I thought it was the only way to cherish the memories I’d made and not let them go. It seems that that isn’t the answer though. I need to be spending my days working to make new memories, putting my camera down and living in the moments as they happen. What good is living in the past when it’s preventing you from creating your future? I get roughly two seconds of positive emotions when I look back while holding those old journals, when just a single present conversation can evoke those same memories without having to physically hold onto anything at all.
With all of these attachments and things that I’ve come to rely on, I have given myself too many opportunities to feel loss. I want to be strong enough to be able to rid myself of these things at my own will, and not because they were ripped from me without my consent. The less material things I clutter my life with, the more space I leave open for personal growth and fulfillment. There is just no good reason I need to be holding onto things that aren’t benefiting me in my day to day life. If I’m being more picky about what I’m allowing into my life, I’m learning to focus more of my energy on finding eternal peace within myself. I’m now teaching myself to be satisfied with the simplicities of life, the basics. Slowly but surely learning that I don’t need to buy meaningless junk to make me feel something. Getting to catch a sunrise on the beach, hiking through some mountains and playing outside in the snow are priceless. These things specifically, are also the things that bring me the most joy in life. I don’t need multiple scarves and purses and pairs of sunglasses to experience these things.
My biggest obstacle that I’m facing with this new chapter is being alone. While normally I’m the queen of independence and “Not needing no man”, this time around is a little harder. Every time I’ve been single in the past I’ve had so many things going on that took my focus and kept me pretty satisfied. I was single for years but it was because life was all so new and exciting. It was the start of my college career and moving out on my own. Plus I had work taking up my free time. Now however, I’m at the point in my life that I’m trying to fully embrace my youth and take advantage of this freedom and opportunity to travel. With being single, this is a really difficult thing to do. When there’s just one person, it’s just not the same. The lack of getting to share those new experiences and mutual appreciation for discovery with someone you care for. There’s not the same feeling of safety and comfort, like “hey we may be lost in another country but at least we’re together”. No one to come back home with that you can reminisce on the trips and embrace what you’ve learned together. And let’s be real, you can’t split those travel costs in two. IT ADDS UP! Plus it doesn’t help being a small 21 year old girl because traveling the world alone can be fairly intimidating. While the first thing I want to do may be hop on a flight to Costa Rica for a week, that may not be the safest decision I’ve ever made. My family would just about all have heart attacks. I need to find a compromise, a way that I am not putting my life on hold because I’m waiting on a man who has their shit together enough to travel. A way to be financially smart and to stay safe through my journey. Travel buddy applications??? Where do I even begin…